Seumas Gallacher, Strawbanorapples and Colin Farrell

Ladies and Gentlemen, please be upstanding for the one and only Sir Seumas Gallacher, Blogger of the Year, founder of #TBSU, writer of rather fabulous books and all-round decent bloke. Come on in and take a seat there, Sir Seumas. Don’t be shy – pour yourself a diluting orange and grab a custard cream. Atta boy.

Thank you so much for putting yourself in harm’s way (well, in the way of matron’s rather beefy arms and shiny needles) by sneaking out to visit – I’m mighty impressed by your ninja-like agility through the wwweb. You’ve obviously learned a thing or two from the hero of your novels, Mr Jack Calder (slight swoon). Ready to answer a few questions?

Let’s start with something simple…what’s your favourite fruit?

Strawbananorapples, buried under mountains of ice cream smothered in caramel sauce….

You can probably argue that you're still getting your 'five a day'. When and why did you begin writing?

This morning about 7.15a.m., coz I was up already…oh y’mean ‘way back?...I did a few school magazine articles which have not yet appeared at Sotheby’s…then some angst-riddled poetry in my teens…the novels only erupted four years ago, and I sincerely wish I’d been afflicted 40 years earlier…LUVIN’ IT…

Are the names of the characters in your novels important?

Yes, otherwise you wouldn’t know who was doing what…Oh, y’mean ‘significant’?..em…deep psychoanalysis would probably find some weirdly obscure reason for so many names starting with the letter ‘J’…(my own real first name is ‘James’)…

What was the hardest part of writing your books?

Keeping the pace right…my books are action driven…but I DO have to moderate the flow, almost like back-filling the narrative…giving the reader (and myself) a bit of a breather every now and again…I’ve also discovered the joy (I mean it) of line by line editing…now I’m starting to feel like a more mature proponent of the scribblers art…

The 'joy of editing'? Lovely. Each to his own! If Ridley Scott/ Peter Jackson/ Tony Scott decided to make a movie of your books, who would you want to play the role of Jack Calder?

If he could adapt to the Scottish, Govan accent, Jason Statham’s persona would fit…failing that, a toughened-up version of the excellent Ewan McGregor or Celtic Cousin, Colin Farrell…

Phoarr! Yea please!. I mean..er..jolly good show there, Sir. Excellent choices. Shall we move on? Do you hear from your readers much? What kinds of things do they say?

I get the occasional emails, which are usually generous in their praise of 'a good read'...that's all an author can hope for...I get loads more interaction for my blog, from which I derive enormous pleasure...locally in Abu Dhabi, I've done a lot of guest speaking spots with readers' groups and other associations, and I frequently meet people who've been at those...the feedback so far, thankfully, has been positive...(Thanks, Uncle Fred and Auntie Mabel).

Ah, bless their little cotton socks. What do you like to do when you're not writing?

There are other things to do?!?! Why wasn't I told? I demand a lawyer...

*Giggle* What are the most important attributes to remaining sane as a writer?

I'm not convinced that sanity is necessarily a virtuous attribute for a writer...for most of us reality is a distant concept...I prefer my cocoon of craziness as it is...(the only downside if Matron and that bluddy syringe).

Sit down Sir Seumas, you're perfectly safe here. Take another sip of your orange squash. Another biscuit? Two more quick questions and you can get back to your cell...er...room before Matron even notices you've legged it. If you could be any character in fiction, who would you be?

The Chinese character, Lee, in Steinbeck's 'East of Eden'. He's the cook and housekeeper to the Trask family...an educated man,he disguises his wisdom in pidgin English, but gives air to most of the philosophical themes in the book, one of my all time favourites.

Kilt-wearing action man AND philosopher, eh? Okay...last question. What's the best piece of writing advice that you've been given?

Take up Snooker...

And isn't it a good job that you didn't? A world without Jack Calder? Unthinkable! Wait...what's that awful noise? Matron calling your name? Dear Lord! Run man, run! Save yourself! Oh, and many thanks for the interview...hope to catch up with you again soo...oh, he's gone. Hang on, someone's banging on the door...Oh, hello there Sir, er...M'am. Seumas who? Nope, haven't seen him. Can I interest you in a custard cream? My, what a large needle you have. No, I'm not in need of medication.

AAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

Intrigued? Want to know more about MR. Gallacher and his books? (and why wouldn't you?) Then check out his rather fabulous BLOG or nip over to FACEBOOK or TWITTER (@seumasgallacher).

Want to dive into the wonderful world of Jack Calder? Or Seumas's collection of hilarious blog posts? I can highly recommend them.

 The Violin Man's Legacy,

 Vengeance Wears Black, 

The Blogger's Guide

STOP PRESS!!! My, aren't you visiting at the very BEST time. Vengeance Wears Black is FREE from today (24th January) until Sunday (28th January) so what are you waiting for - DOWNLOAD!!! (You know you want to...).

Thanks for stopping by. :-)

Digital Book Dreams.

I know I'm probably discovering this technology a couple of years after the rest of the universe but this kind of thing really appeals to my inner-geek-goddess (!).

Okay so is this kind of technology only suited to textbooks or other non-fiction? Am I crazy to imagine  the kind of fun you could have with this in a fantasy novel, a sci-fi adventure, a ghost story - ghosts drifting across the page, 3D models of space-ships, interactive maps of the world your characters inhabit, snarling werewolves, mood-music at the beginning of every chapter (tried to do that for one of my beta readers but couldn't get it to work *sigh*).

What do you think?

I have a cunning plan...kinda.

Yeah - I took a break. So sue me.

2012 ended badly; remember that tiny glimmer of light I spotted back in October? Well, it was just the fuse being lit and the explosion was, well, it was more of an implosion. The resulting mess is still sorting itself out and I don't expect to be firing on all four cylinders again any time soon but I've decided on a plan  to get me back on track.

Be warned - it's selfish.

Step one - get a job to help pay the bills. Yep, I can tick that one off. Writing books doesn't make you rich - who knew, eh? (tee hee) - and getting out into the thick of the real world again has been a shock to the system but I'm doing my best not to let my new employers down .

Step two - sort out time management issues. (New 'normal' + new job) + (back-to-school + new stresses) = less time to write = (build up of ideas + overflow of 'need') = frustration. See? I CAN do maths...so long as it's written down with letters rather than numbers. So, I need a new routine for pretty much everything - which is going to be tricky when my shifts change weekly. I'm going to label this step as 'a work in progress' for now.

Step three - get book three to the editors and graphic designer; and tell myself that it WILL be published. Why is this important when the rest of my life is a wreck? It just is, okay? Maybe I just don't want to give up on getting Emily's trilogy finished and out there. Told you I was being selfish! Let's label this as 'ongoing' for now.

Step Four - Breathe. Give it time. I can admit to being a fairly pathetic human being most of the time - I don't deal well with the real world and all its challenges and stresses. I had the very good fortune to live in a wonderful bubble of home, family & writing for the past 10 years but that's over now and standing outside of that is scary and disorienting. I'd much rather invent a new persona, create a fantasy world for the new 'me' and write about it instead of actually living it (the mistakes you make in a story can be erased and remade as many times as necessary - when you make a mistake in the real world, you pay for it.) but that's not going to happen. How on earth does everyone else make it all look so effortless? I'm jealous as hell!

Time to deal with reality for a while.

Dammit.

#TBSU Spread the word, share the lurrrrve...

You may have seen the hashtag #TBSU cropping up  here and there on Twitter just recently, may even have investigated a little further and been led into the marvellous madness of Mr. Seumas Gallacher. Know him? He wears a kilt, hangs out in Abu Dhabi, sings along to Bette Midler, quotes Churchill now and again ...oh, yeah and he writes darn fine novels and blog posts. Trust me, if you've met him, you'd remember!

Anyhoo, Sir Seumas and his partner in mental instability, Author John Dolan, have thrust this new hashtag onto the Twitterverse in order for us all to join Sir Seumas's quest to make Bloggworld even more fabulous to visit than it already is. How? By sharing and following new blogs, spreading the word of these fine bastions of penmanship...er...keyboardship (did I just do the whole 'word-invention' thing again?!) via Twitter, our own blogs, Facebook - wherever you hang out really -  and encouraging our little community of like-minded lunatics to grow.

The name of this merry band of bloggers? The Blog Scratchers Union (hence the TBSU thingy - clever eh?). Want to join in? Simples  You just add a small section to the bottom of your blog post as often as you feel the need, this TBSU section should list the blogs that you follow and enjoy in the hope that, not only will these fine blogs reciprocate, but we will all gain new friends/followers to converse with, blog with and share the joys of this little trip into the unknown  (that'll be 'life' in case you're confused!). 

So, here's my little list for this week. Enjoy!

Blog Scratchers Corner

#TBSU

Blogs to follow and enjoy:

SeumasGallacher.com

http://peter-johnstone.blogspot.co.uk/

http://catherineryanhoward.com/

http://www.berniemcgill.com/

http://raebethmcgeeswriting.blogspot.co.uk/

http://davidccassidy.com/

http://suddenlylostinwords.wordpress.com/

http://simontall.com/

http://thehomelessgazillionaire.blogspot.co.uk/

http://debbiemccune.blogspot.co.uk/

Give In To Temptation...

Mmmmmm…Chocolate!

            Maybe it's because it's getting near to the end of the world (thank you very much to the Mayan calendar carver who needed a toilet break, took a wrong turn, ended up as a human sacrifice and...well, you know the rest) or perhaps it's just because it's coming up to Christmas, but my mind is currently set on visions of my favourite things. Obviously one of them is books and 2013 is going to be fab since Mr. Stephen King has not one but two new books coming out (cue happy dance) - presuming we all survive the whole predicted world ending thing of course. Since I'm currently not aware of any chocolate books being currently available and since I pretty much talk non-stop about books here, I thought I'd shake things up a bit and talk about...yep...chocolate.

For the majority of us, the word ‘chocolate’ brings to mind a bar of sweet deliciousness, a luxurious box of mixed centres or maybe even a biscuit enrobed in a thick blanket of the stuff. Close your eyes, whisper ‘chocolate’ to your subconscious and you will find yourself salivating in anticipation of a sweet treat.

            If pressed (and if we managed to stay awake during school history lessons), several of us could probably point out a cacao plant and make a decent stab of guessing which European country it was first introduced to (Spain) and perhaps even by whom (Christopher Columbus).

            Few of us, while munching a few squares of our favourite calorific indulgence, know that the refined and processed bar we hold in our hands is a descendant of an alcoholic beverage produced from the sweet pulp of the cacao fruit by an enterprising Honduran around 1400 BC.

            Chocolate has always been highly prized – the cacao bean was even used as currency by the Aztecs while also being the key ingredient in their bitter spicy beverage called xocolātl. The Aztecs associated cacao with their goddess of fertility, Xochiquetzal. None of the ancient Aztecs would be at all surprised that modern courting couples exchange gifts of chocolate!

            As you can see, chocolate’s origins have little to do with hard bars and even less to do with a sweet taste. Before the 1700s, chocolate tended to be a drink, and a dark, bitter one at that. We can thank a notable physician, Hans Sloane, for pushing chocolate evolution forward. In 1689, in Jamaica, he developed the recipe for a milk chocolate drink which was initially used in apothecaries and which he later sold to the Cadbury brothers.

            After the development of the first form of solid chocolate in Turin, a Dutchman, Johannes Van Houten, invented a method of removing the bitter taste. It is believed that an Englishman, Joseph Fry, made the first chocolate for eating in 1847, followed, in 1849 by the Cadbury brothers. Chocolate’s bid for global domination had begun.

            Nowadays we are all aware of chocolate’s reputation for being a calorie laden, obesity inducing, guilty pleasure. However cocoa or dark chocolate is also known to have beneficial effects for the circulatory system and may also be a good brain stimulator and cough preventer. There is no proof that it has any kind of aphrodisiac effect, although a report by the BBC found that melting chocolate in your mouth produced more brain activity and a higher increase in heart rate than passionate kissing! (something women have known for years!)

            So, this year, as you make the agonizing decision of which Christmas treat to eat first, you can stun your family and friends with a quick history of chocolate, safe in the knowledge that (so long as you don’t over-indulge too much) your brain is being stimulated, a nasty winter cough may be prevented and eating that piece of chocolate is possibly even better than snogging Channing Tatum! Enjoy!

Vacuum-sealed Blog.

It has recently been explained to me that I'm 'blogging in a vacuum' (or maybe they said 'blogging vacuously ...hmmm) - I'm commenting and providing guest posts on other blogs, sharing content via Triberr, Twitter, Facebook etc. but I'm not really doing much on my own blog. I haven't invited anyone around for a cuppa, to do an interview or scribble down a guest post.

Why?

If I told you I was shy you'd laugh your heads off, wouldn't you? Well, the truth is that I'm not sure anyone would consider it worth their while; I mean , I only have 7 followers on this blog (hello lovely people!) and around 1000 page views per month, so would other, serious, 'proper' bloggers be horrified if I asked them along to play?

Only one way to find out - I'm going to ask a few people round and see if anyone agrees to do it. Maybe try to fill an interview and guest post slot per month?  

Blogger and author friends - you have been warned!!!

PS: If you're one of those keen, helpful types who feels up for an interview/guest post type appearance already, then let me know - just in case I get too shy to ask!

A wonderful affliction.

I first became aware of my 'affliction' around the age of 6, in church of all places. Picture the scene; packed church, everyone in their Sunday best, visiting cleric in the pulpit, old pipes sighing and shifting, heat so stifling that the feather on the hat of the lady in front of me was drooping. I was trying to concentrate on the sermon, I really was, but my mind was drifting and I was thinking, 'What if someone passes out in all this heat - how would we ever get them out? What if the organ started playing by itself? What if people wilted in the heat like flowers? What if the roof opened up and a crowd of angels drifted in, bringing glasses of ice-cold Coke to revive us all?' I could almost see each of those things happening in front of me, could almost taste the Coke and hear the clinking of ice-cubes in the holy glasses.

Children use their imaginations all the time - during play, during day-dreams, whilst a parent is reading a story to them. They do it unconsciously and without embarrassment - some for longer than others - and most people expect that children will eventually 'grow out' of using fantasy worlds, pretend friends and beliefs in dragons, fairies, goblins and the like as they become more self-sufficient and learn more about how the real world works. 

I have never grown out of using my imagination and I really never want to be cured of it. How awful to be stuck in a queue and not be able to imagine the people in it starting to boogie, being zombies in disguise, or the guy in front of me turning out to be Channing Tatum ( a recurring theme for some reason!). Thankfully the importance of children hanging on to this ability is being recognised; how can a child study history - events and eras that they were never a part of - unless they use their imagination? How else can they learn to invest in their future selves if they are unable to imagine how they want their future to turn out? What about those children who will one day invent ways for us to correct the mess that we have made of our planet? Those who will find cures for disease, those who will write books, create TV shows and fabulous movies that entertain or educate - all of these start with the wonderful affliction of an active imagination.